Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
