Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize