I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
