UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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