you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
