my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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