I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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