Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
