Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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