3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
