I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
