LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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