who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize