you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
