i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
