last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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