Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
