You can't motorboat a personality
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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