just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize