Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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