It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
