My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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