Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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