I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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