He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
