why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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