her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize