I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
