saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
