Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
