My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
