it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
