I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
