I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
