His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
