i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
