i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
