It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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