and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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