at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
