Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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