I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
