love makes seman taste better
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize