Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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