Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
