So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
