i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
3pm strippers are depressing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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