I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
