You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
