I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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