you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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