I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
