By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im part way to drunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
