It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
