i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
