I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
