chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
