Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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