Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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