It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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