He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
