my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
