You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this just has baby written all over it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
