I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
