Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
