you traded sex for a burrito?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
