Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
