I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
