At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
