So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
