You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
