if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
