If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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